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You smile.
I laugh.
You put your arms around me. 
Gentle, almost insecure.
I lift my arm and place it on your back, just as gently as you did.
You sing.
My heart skips a beat and I feel warmth radiating in the cold hollows of my chest.
I bite my lip. 
Try not to look at you for the fear that my face could give away what I really feel.
You laugh.
In the end, I fall for those eyes anyways. 
I look at you, desperate. As if your eyes could tell me all your secrets.
I am trying so hard to conceal the voices of my heart, but I am failing.
We talk.
I feel nervous.
Can you feel it too?
Probably not.
What do you feel? 
Who am I to you?
Am I your friend? 
Am I the person you think about before you fall asleep? 
Or am I just another person in the mensa line for you?
I don’t know and I won’t ask.
You decide to leave and go on with your life.
I stay seated and watch you from a safe distance.
Thinking about all the ‘what ifs’
The cold in my chest returns and I swallow my sadness.
No. I won’t cry tonight. I will smile and be grateful.
Grateful for the fact that my heart has healed enough to feel again.
Grateful for the stars shining up there in the sky painting a picture of light.
Grateful for the existence of love and kindness in a world shaken by disaster and devastation.
And before I fall asleep, I will think of your smile.